15th week thoughts

so the results of the CVS came back normal and we had a day of woohoo-ing. then, that relief sort of disappeared as i moved on to worry about other things. and the other day, the mayo clinic book reminded me the difference between genetic disorder and congenital disorder. it seems that there's really no rest stops on the journey of worry. at some point, i just got to evolve and develop some sort of a memory-faucet that turns off and on at my will.

and i also bewildered myself by talking to myself a lot.

when grocery shopping.

"next time, we'll be buying three of these instead of two"

"ooo, this would fit nicely into a lunch box when baby goes to pre-school"

pre-school? that would be, what, 4 years and 6 months from now?

i had serious doubts of my ability to think, work, stay awake or form coherent sentences during the first trimester. there were moments when i thought all my grad-school math had emptied into a big, wallowing, river of no-return as a result of progesterone-poisoning. and i seriously consider planning for a career change since the threat of not being able to perform on my job loomed large. but second trimester came, and man, sectri (my pet name for second trimester) i love, love, love you. i now spend my time trying to catch up with the unfinished work pile from the first trimester and take every opportunity to work, work, work. i guess it's good practice - once baby breathes his/her first worldly breath, that would be my modus operandi - to work intensely whenever i can find time.

eric's going back to defend his dissertation. and we are bringing cinnamon here - finally(!). we are looking to buy a car. and moving out of this apartment to somewhere nicer. and we recently daydream about buying a home with a roof-top garden where cinnamon could bask in the afternoon sun and take quick showers and play with baby. somehow, things are happening for us - though slowly. and those daydreams - we wouldn't even dare plug them into our minds before and now... we have slowly gained the courage to dream a little more.

i now anxiously wait for the baby kicks.