brewing

something happened this morning (and i will fill you in in good time) but it made me suddenly aware of my life, career, job, role. if you had known me for some time, you might know that i was sort of unsure where i was heading with regards to my career/job. i have a good one, but i've been feeling rather lukewarm about it, i.e. i don't really have a burning passion - i do a reasonably good job at it but i could do much better - i had lacked the motivation before eric came to singapore because, well - who knows if i'll be here or there (which most probably "there" = US of A) and way before eric came to singapore... i didn't even know what i was doing back here all alone (except to pay off my indentured service to a sponsor of my phd studies.)

well, i turned the corner this morning (i think). if you had turned a corner before, you'd probably understand what i'm feeling. and i got the jolt that i've been craving since my lukewarm days. and now, i really understand my strengths (and weaknesses) in myself and my role in my career gameplan. i don't know how to say this - but suddenly i see (sounds like a song) what i need to do and to plot. i love plotting and strategizing and gaming (it's some dark side of me that i suppress a lot) - and now i see how i can do it in my job. no, i'm not turning evil - but i really need to have some game plan going in my head in order to feel energized by my work.

on other less-dreary news - christian is able to crawl, pull up to standing and even cruise (walk while holding onto something) and he is teething. he cut his first (or two) tooth (or teeth) on tuesday - we felt some sharp little incisors. when my mom called me to tell me that on tuesday morn, i felt my eyes sting a little. it's crazy i know. but every little milestone he has, i had felt a little squeeze in my heart or somewhere near it. is that heartache? motherhood does that to you. you feel something you never felt before - your heart can sometimes feel like your son's squeeze toy - it lets out a little squeak with every squeeze.