to continue

when i wrote the letter to Christian in that last post, i had meant to finish it... then life got its way and it's still unfinished. i'm not sure if i can finish it now...

Eric, with bated breath, drove (kind of sped) to the hospital. we live in the central/more south than west part of the country, the hospital was right smack in the middle of singapore. it took 15 mins to reach the hospital - kind of nice when you are in a hurry. but that journey seemed forever, i remember telling myself "this is it! Bebe, I'm going to see your lovely face." Eric and i also debated on whether it was a good time to tell my family (my sister serene had instructed us to tell her, no matter the time). eric also commented on the outfit i picked. a charcoal blouse and blue sweat pants that had Tigger leaning against the words "Wild Thing" - all ironed-on and festooned to the butt part of my pants. haha, i remember laughing... i had picked well, i picked the clothes that i felt good in during my pregnancy. we tried calling the doc, but it went to an answering service. where was the doc???

upon reaching the hospital, eric dropped me off at registration and went to park the car. i waddled up (my water broke, remember?) and the lady at the counter pointed to an elevator (which was obscured from where i was standing) and the tyrant in me asserted quite calmly. "do you know my water broke and i'm about to have a baby?" frankly, i thought i would be escorted up to the delivery suite in a wheelchair. apologetic (who knew if she was actually annoyed with me), she walked me to the invisible elevator and i took the elevator alone, no documents, no bag, nothing. just my belly, leaking water, and my baby who was kicking a little. when i stepped into the delivery section, no one was there. it was like the CBD at night - ghost-town-like. then someone in scrubs saw me and asked me what i needed. I need someone to tell me what to do with leaking water(!) i told her my water broke and my doc's name. there was no room! too many babies! and by the way, the doc was already at the hospital. i looked at the board, he was scheduled to deliver 3 babies. plus mine, it was 4. i thought to myself that my doc would probably be horrendously sleep-deprived when i see him. then lo and behold, someone suddenly was behind the nurse and me. She announced her arrival, that she was looking for my doc, that her contractions are 20 mins apart. great, i thought, she was going to have a baby before me. i was suddenly contractions-envy and true enough, they got a room ready for her. me, i had to wait in the seat, alone. where's eric???

and while waiting, i heard a wailing baby. emotions flooded to my brain, my eyes stung a little and my heart was racing. that could be me, that could be my baby. i was getting a little excited. and eric showed up. they got a room for me, right at the corner, i love corners! i go to corner booths and corner tables all the time if they are available in restaurants.

i'll save you the awkward details... but i was quite surprised that you get nude quite early even without contractions. what was i expecting, i don't know. my baby would be naked, so would i - i guess. nurses came and called me "dear" and "girl". they were really sweet. and then the anasthesiologist, Dr. Loo came and half the time i was praying that he wouldn't puncture my spine and paralyze me. i was also afraid of the pain of needles in my wrist and spine. thankfully, i felt none. and i told myself to remember this Dr. Loo so I could give referrals. but the epidural gave me the chills and i was shaking forcefully, feeling impossibly cold, and a numbing sensation was tingling in my big toes.

eric brought up my 20-pound bag - and was hungry. the nurse told him that there was a sandwich machine and the food smelled nice ( she hadn't tasted them before, but husbands had bought and ate in her presence.) promptly he left for that machine. and the doc came to check one me. hi doc. where's eric? he went to find food. you are 1 cm dilated. try to rest dear. see you in the morning. morning? yeah. you have many babies to deliver? yes. try to sleep. ok. by then, it was around midnight. i was strapped to the bed. eric had a lounge chaise and his mp3 player. he later fell asleep - i knew because he snored. i couldn't sleep. too excited. it felt like the night before an exam - i typically didn't sleep on exam-eve's, i was too excited about answering exam questions.

i must had had a light sleep - because i could hear the machines beeping all the time. then i felt a weird pressing sensation near my back, at my tailbone. and i woke eric up. hunny, could you check if i'm having contractions? huh? yeah. i timed it, it was 30 mins apart. i must had slipped into sleep again. then at 4.30 am the sensation woke me up. this time they were closer - around 10 minutes apart. ebbing in and out of my body. the nurse came in, and said i was 8 cm dilated. she taught me how to push. push where? i tried, but was told i was pushing with my face. i didn't know where to push. and she told me it was like pooping. it was hard to keep a straight face on. how could it be like pooping, different mechanism, ma'am. then, she said if i pushed with my face, i'd end up with broken capiliaries and bloodshot eyes. hmm, okay. i gave up and yielded to her instructions, no matter how inaccurate i thought them to be. 5 am, the nurses wheeled in a bunch of instruments, and decided to call the doc. eric got up and went to get coffee, i think. the doc came. where's eric? coffee. someone commented the husband was always missing. like snuffaluffagus, i thought to myself. i always like that mammoth. when eric returned, he was a little taken aback that i had assumed the position and so had the nurses and the doc. it was 5.30 am i remember, i pushed for 3 times, and the doc could see christian's crown. eric said christian had a lot of hair. really? he's almost here? and in 30 minutes, little christian was born. i have to say, it was a pleasant experience - not possible without all the positive energy around me, everyone was encouraging!

we all looked at the clock together when he was born, and the clock flipped its dial and it was 6 am. for some reason, my active baby had his umbilical cord tied around his neck TWICE. he was grey. and he gave a little cry (so soft) before he expelled more cries with his newly born lungs. the nurses promptly cleaned him. Doc asked if eric wanted to cut the cord. no. christian had his first pee in the room - supposed to be a good thing. meanwhile, the doc was still tending to me and i felt eric had one eye on me and one eye on the baby.

when all the fussing had died down, the nurse handed christian to me. i was to nurse him. reallY? how? they showed me how to do it. it was the first time i had a good look at him. he's all pinky and soft now. lots of hair. even very fine hairs on his face and body. he was smart, according to the nurses, he knew how to latch on. and as he suckled, i was pleasantly surprised. a little dimple. my baby had a dimple on his right cheek. that's a family legacy. he probably has a shallower one on his left. and look, one little curly eyelash on each eye. he was a cutie. fierce when he was nursing. i was quite sure he would be a stubborn kid.