failure

i failed the test. the glucose tolerance test, that is. i had expected to fail it, like my sister before me, like when i was pregnant with christian. but still i was pretty crabby when i realized my body had failed me, yet again. a draw from a random distribution, a crapshoot. however i cut it, i had a glimmer of hope. so my body is ridden with gestational diabetes. and the little baby will have to go through additional tests when she's born. i'm wrecked with guilt. but i know it'll be okay. christian was on the small side by anecdotal evidence (he was 2.965 grams, i.e. 6 pounds 8 oz) and avoided the curse of being too big at birth. watching my diet wasn't that hard, so i do welcome this vigilance for the next few weeks. it's just that once the pregnancy is over, there'll be a shadow of doubt of whether the diabetes will go away and i'll have to take the test again. it went away the last time. but still, a small exasperated voice in me did yell "why me?" anyhoo, i'll probably get over this self-pitying stage quick. the good news was that i gained only 500g over the past one month and all of that went to little babe. so when the scale read 58.4 kg (128 pounds 12 oz) it was a consolation prize to me. little babe's estimated weight is at 1.45 kg (3 pounds 3 oz), and just as i had guessed, she's already topsy turvy with her head at my pelvis, looking impossibly cute with chubby cheeks and big eyes.