first words

dearest alexandra,

hello my little darling. you know, sometimes i wonder if this space is too flimsy to share all my thoughts. i mean, i don't even know what the internet is. and for some reason, it could also be a repository. back to why i was writing (besides it being a shoot-from-the-hip, quick and easy way to record my thought du jour!)

you are growing waaay too fast. so fast that i've not been able to jot down your progress with much precision in your baby journal. so fast that i could only manage blogger-minutes to type as fast as i can here and then return to exam grading and depressing oh-god-please-let-this-latest-idea-be-publishable research (note to you - please write legibly and concisely when taking exams. also, i happen to love my job, despite its judgmental nature. and at times when i don't love it, i'm doing it so i could enjoy the quality of life its income brings...i earnestly hope you'll find a job you'll love and if you don't it's okay, as long as you don't give up looking).

you can tell that my mind is all over the place. that's an occupational hazard of being a mom. but i see you. i see you are learning a lot. that little brain of yours must be in some kind of an overdrive. when ever you grow by leaps and bounds, that's when your sleep becomes really crappy and my state of mental alertness goes way down low. and two nights ago, you enunciated your words so clearly i had to do a double take to make sure it was you. you said, "ma - ma", with the gentlest little pause that sounded so deliberate. you have a really amazing full and deep voice - i swear, you really sounded like dionne warwick. i read somewhere that "papa" was easier and so it was the typical words from the mouths of babes. if that were true, then you must have worked extra hard to call me. and for this, i'm really touched.

you've grown really clingy recently. when i put you down to sleep in your own bed, you looked desperate and reached for the only words you know.. "ma...ma.." man, how could i let you sleep alone???? and when i did sneakily put you down in your own bed, once you wake up, you'll be searching for me. "ma..."

God made babies this cute, for a reason. to be loved.

But who can resist you? And this new thing that you mastered, plopping your head down on my shoulder when i carry you - that's waaaayyyy too sweet, babilicious.

I miss you at work. Work is crazy. But because I'm crazy about you (and your brother, and of course, your Papa), I got to keep my sanity and keep chugging along.

xoxo,
Momma

Alexandra is 7 months and 1 week old.
Christian is 2 years, 8 months and 1 week old.