labor and wait

birds nest, so do humans. or impregnated humans.

i'm the occasional insomniac and so is my baby. and as i lay awake, staring at the little white crib next to me, i conjured up a list of things that i should clean out before baby comes. before bedtime, i was going through my craft box - throwing out items i don't need and finding an expired $20 kinokuniya book voucher that i had received for my birthday 2 years ago (darn!)

and now, i'm sitting here in front of my laptop, with an emptied glass of warmed milk (an effort to fall blissfully to sleep and to increase my calcium intake). not knowing when sleep would sneak up on me. my baby is asleep, i think.

there were other thoughts as well. thoughts of being a mom, thoughts of Eric being a dad (strange...), thoughts of us being parents (we are a team now!), thoughts of my career, thoughts of my baby and i kid you not, thoughts of my baby's future girlfriend/wife. thoughts of how our religion would affect us ( i know it's pc to say "guide us" but the truth is human nature has been known to naively and perhaps stupidly stood up to God - my own history has thrown up way more examples of my stubborness than those of my docility).

i still think this growing up affair is scary. getting married was scary but the engagement process helped. the thought of being a parent is scary but i guess the gestation process would help too - afterall, baby has grown and evolved in me for a good nine months and well... Eric and I have sort of grown and evolved as well. and the three of us learn new tricks each day (my favorite lesson "to breathe": either through tiny eruptions of hiccups (baby) or through shopping lists, to-do lists, fretfulness, and sometimes pain <--false labor?). frankly, i'm clueless as to what the future holds. and slowly, i'm wondering if it's about making mistakes as we go along. if it's about knowing and understanding our parents better (along with it, our genetic disposition of making the same mistakes). it's about not anticipating (too much) i suppose. it's about waiting. and laboring. i suppose.

baby is awake again.