randomness

cold weather has to be the best remedy for fatigue. the two nights i was here, i was blessed with temperatures in the 40s (degree F not C). there must be some inherent buoyancy about the cool winter night air. i actually felt weightless. i'd forgotten that the sun sets early this time of the year. in fact, i had forgotten about so many things in the US. it's strange that it feels like coming home to an old blankey. For some reason, I feel more "discriminated" against in Singapore, which at its very heart, despite its cosmopolitan outlook, is still a rather homogeneous society. Not that I have anything against the country, but it does feel a tad liberating to be here. I can't explain this elusive and very very subtle feeling at all. it's like julia child, when she first experienced france and then felt that all along she's been french and not knowing it. i don't necessarily feel like an american (don't even know what that should feel like), but i do feel understood, feel less than a misfit, perhaps that's why eric became my husband. he simply gets it.

on the other hand, the question of where home is pops into my head again and again. is home singapore? is home in the US? we are so rootless in a way, sometimes it feels like a cruel joke. christian has dual citizenship until he turns 18 by which he needs to decide which citizenship to take up, which means that someday, very soon, we'll have to make a decision as to where home is. our jobs may look nice and cushy to some, but it's essentially full of uncertainty until one of us gets tenure. with the human capital invested through years of grad school, at least, we'll find a job somewhere without having to live in cardboard boxes, but still... it's about doing what you love isn't it? but isn't everyone's facing the same kind of dilemma about work?

anyway, it's 3 am in the morning, i was up because of jetlag (i seem to get this as i grow older). i feel sleepy again. time for bed.

p.s. was googling for the tax rates in denver versus those in seattle to decide if i should get flossers (not sold in singapore) here instead of seattle - haha. sales tax is lower here in denver - uh oh, more shopping?

holiday

the dog and the kid love the balcony. christian helped to put up the amy ruppel's christmas decals on the window. he loved the birds. the tree was bare, we decided to collect ornaments slowly. that way, every year, there'll be something new. turkey was good but the legs were a little dry this time - still trying to figure out the new oven's temperament. had a sip of wine and dessert trifle was spiked with cognac. why do i always feel like drinking when i'm pregnant? christian was excited about all his presents - he had so many this year (!) the videos were too large to be embedded here (more to come, mom - they take a long time to upload.) so here are the links. this and this.

i am in my hotel room, presentation's done, tomorrow it's all schmoozing. jetlag has set in. it's almost 9 pm. time for bed. for some reason, walking in the cold doesn't make me feel pregnant. all that winter bundling hides the bump so well no one gave up their seat for me on the bus. my feet are killing me.

country road, take me home

finally got in. Denver, hmmm, will we ever visit as a family?
i still feel as if i'm on the plane. feeling extremely lonely to be travelling alone. yet, little babe has been very active, as if she's trying to comfort and remind me that i'm not really all alone. she's better travelled than christian - christian has only been to shanghai in utero. this girl, she's been to malacca on a road trip, macau and now, denver (with seattle to come next).

kids do that to you all the time. you think you'll have a better time not worrying about them running off somewhere or breaking their noses when they sprint to the airport's picture windows and then you miss them when they are not around you. need to sleep before my presentation tomorrow... good thing hotel provides free food so i don't have to venture out in the cold.